atilla

I find myself interesting. Because I take interest in most people. Nothing about superficial things are interesting except for what they describe about our deeper selves our little emotional nests inside of us that hide our innermost truths. I want to know what's hidden there, I like secrets. But there's also something about knowing that you can't know everything about anyone and the only person you'll ever really know is yourself and even that is complex. So I'm fascinated by myself what I was in the past, what I've transformed into and what I could potentially become in the future.

I like to imagine if four year old me met me now. I think we ought to live in a way that makes our four year old selves happy.

And that's the meaning of life.

As far as I can tell anyway.

I hate the fall. It's cold and it smells like mold. While some people like fall fashion because i gives them a chance to layer or bundle up, I think it's the most annoying time of the year because it takes an excruciating amount of time to pick out an outfit! If I am actually able to throw the right layers together so that it's cute odds are I'm going to be wearing the same outfit for the majority of the season because my apartment is really short on closet space.

That's my fall look- Cartoon character. I'll wear the exact same ridiculous outfit everyday like a superhero or one of the simpsons. I love it in cartoons where they show their closets and they're full of the same dress. Amazing.

I do love the fall looks as usual though! Right now I'm pretty into the white blazer thing:

I hate to say it and my Mum would probably rub it in my face but shoulder pads are back and they're cute.

Plaid is always a good fall/winter choice IMO:

We already discussed that layering is essential. I'll wear a plaid shirt over anything- band shirt or girly dress, whatever.

That reminds me that fashion is all about wearing your shabby with your chic. One trend I'm not entirely on the same page with this fall is animal prints... gtfover it already! Why do we keep trying to reinvent this year after year? For the most part people do an awful job trying to pull this off and when it's bad it's BAD. Please if you're looking at your closet right now and it looks like you went on a murderous, hyde-taking rampage on a african safari- well just think about moving on from this 'trend'... even if they're doing it on the runways or in the magazines. Let's all remember that very few of us are supermodels and just because they do it it doesn't mean we have to.

On that note I'll leave you with my wishlist:

Yes, I desperately want these motocross jeans, these fabulous balenciaga booties and the perfect pair of cowboy/riding boot hybrids that don't actually exist.

Hi friends,

Over the past couple of years I've gotten to know some of you and as always I love to hear your feedback and feelings. Now I want you to do something else for me- tell me what you want to see. Give me your ideas for photoshoots, I want you to decide what my next shoots will look like: what should I dress like, should I base something off of your favorite album cover, fashion designer, character from a book?

Let's collaborate! It's no fun for me if you don't like seeing it and I know you're full of creative ideas so shoot me a message or leave me a comment & I'll try my best to bring your ideas to life.

cheers lovlies!

-Atilla

Okay, weird he died... but I really don't want to have to hear about it constantly for the next month. Talking about death is boring and annoying and I think it's twisted that in our culture we obsess over it (see aso Jesus... the guy did a lot more than just die and I really don't think he'd be too stoked to see his devoted fans wearing necklaces of his execution. Remember the good times, yeesh.)

 

How would you want people to react if you died suddenly?

I think I would just want my friends and family to hang out together and take a holiday, party. I would protest a funeral... I don't want a marked grave, I don't even want my family to have to worry about what happens to my body and I'd just keep rolling in my grave if they spent thousands of dollars on a caskett! If it's legal in Virginia I'd rather just be tossed in a hole in the ground. I think it's cruel that our loved ones have to spend absurd amounts of money on the dead.

Do you ever read through your messages trying to pick out strange word combinations in broken english thinking to yourself wow this person's translator must really not be working today and then you go to their page and realize they're actually white bread America born and raised. That's a little scary to me.

Today I finally got my hair cut.

I'm also trying my hand at bonsai one more time. My efforts have been fruitless in the past mostly because the rats like to sleep in the plants and eat the dirt.
Spent the whole weekend at the tattoo convention to see friends from out of town some of whom I some how narrowly missed and others I got to see a lot which was rad. Did a cool photoshoot, watched depraved strippers gyrating on old man crotch for dollar bills, vomited in my mouth, caught up with a lot of folks I haven't seen for a lonnng time, read a pamphlet that told me I must make satan my financial adviser and even made some new friends.
Now you should all go buy this from incredible artist and good friend, Jason Levesque- the stuntkid. I highly suggest you keep his books on your coffee table and his art on your walls, as I do.
 Click!

I've been so sick with some swine flu kinda nasty, fever having, stuffy thing. I had three days off and spent all of them being totally miserable. The weeks before that were awesome though.

You guys know I secretly love nascar, maybe because it's ironic but mostly because it's awesome.... Well we got to see our favorite drivers in a charity race in an audience full of authentic rednecks, totally sweet! Then we won tickets to the big race & we got to ride around the track in a pace car. I would have thought I could handle driving fast in a car turning left for several hundred laps but we did 3 laps going between 70-90 mph around the track (a fraction of what the drivers really do) and I felt a little woozy. It was pretty awesome though.

There are seriously a lot of over weight, sweaty, mullet havin', white trash at these things. It's so weird when you think about how glamorous the lives of the drivers and owners in the sports really are with their commercial filmings, photo ops, plastic wives, multi-million dollar mansions and various car collections. And somehow these people still think they're just like them. It's actually really funny to me. And all the more ironic that I'm totally into it.

Here's some pictures.

This is South Side Speedway, the tiny track where Denny Hamlin's charity race was. We had to sit in really uncomfortable bleacher seats way too close to very drunk people but it was still a good time & fun to be able to see how the drivers drive up close and just seeing the old late model cars.

After the race poked around the infield and looked at the cars. This is me being stoked and Cameron looking kind of creepy trying to conceal his tattoos and stretched ears. I'm pretty sure there was a really drunk old redneck with a small child that kept calling him a hippy or more inadvertantly saying something like 'the only good hippy's a dead hippy' repeatedly. I guess maybe because he has a big bushy beard? Or maybe it was his sweatshirt... I don't know but I just ignored the guy and gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was having some 'nam flashback or he had some form of trailer trash tourettes syndrome that drove him to repeat closed minded staements about people who are different. I don't think Cameron even was aware of this.

Tony Stewart's banged up prelude to the dream #14 car. I love Tony Stewart, he's my favorite.

Ol' Rowdy Busch tore up Southside. He's got a terrible attitude but he can drive the wheels off those cars, and I'd probably bet any car. It was fun to see him drive up close and personal.

dun-da-da-dun! RIR the big track.... early on saturday morning before anyone else was in the stands.

Eww double jointed! In front of the massive grand stands with my fanny pack, my boyfriend jeans (they're actually skinny jeans I'm just that small), my aviators and of course the dunks.

Cameron in the pits, he likes Kyle Busch and he called the winner!

we got nervous toward the end, it was very exciting and really really loud! Sounds like 50 screaming t-rexes charging at you every time they go around.

The parking lot at night after the race. I don't know what this face is about but I look awful because we got rained on for the better part of the day. It was awesome.

I'm really irritated by people that are incapable of coming up with their own original thoughts and ideas. It's especially agitating when there are so many interesting, intellectual, clever, funny contributors to this site (a lot of you guys that I talk to & like to keep up with) yet some of the most 'publicized' on the site blatantly rip off their contemporaries' previously documented likes and dislikes. You can't even think hard enough to have your own fashion icons, favorite movies and personal style? Then maybe you should just keep your blogging to a minimum and just post pretty pictures of famous people at parties.

Maybe I'm just boring because I don't live in LA and do the cool LA things that everyone else does but I'm an east coast girl and I think those people are boring idiots that drive hybrids because their neighbors do and don't eat meat cause, like animals are cute. Yeah, hybrids are awesome and I'm a vegetarian. I'd rather be hard working and memorable for the rest of my life than another pretty face with a fleeting 15 in the spotlight.

I don't have some nice way to wrap this up like, gee everything's just falling into place and any minute now I'm going to have my big break and then life will be super! We all need to do a little less waiting for our fantasies to manafest themselves in our laps and a little more work toward making every day a good day for what it is.

Thing that I want:

This vintage kawasaki in bubble gum pink. I mean who wouldn't want one?

This hello kitty coffe maker. OMG.


A tiny adorable house with a crazy garden that I could work in all day.

Things that I already have that are awesome:


This hello kitty donut charm. why is it hello kitty? Why is it a donut? I don't know but I have it and it's awesome.

The 3G iPhone. I got the white jams cause I gotta be fancy. Looove it.

Cameron's finally home from the Philly tattoo convention as of yesterday. We got 6 inches of snow on sunday when he was planning on coming home. I went into work on sunday at 11am when it was cool and sprinkling but i didn't even need a jacket when I left at 7pm my car had to be dug out of the parking lot and my drive home didn't exceed 20mph and took about and hour and a half.

Cameron got home monday morning after spending the night in a hotel with someone neither of us are particularly fond of, eating a hearty breakfast and taking his sweet ass time on the ice-roads.

We relaxed for a minute once he got home and then he started digging my car out of the other 6 inches of new snow so that we could get to the Holiday Inn. Richmond is a town that definitely does not remain prepared for winter weather (I guess since it rarely happens). We hung out with new friends, Brody and Francis as they were on their way from New York to Arizona. They were rad.

Other than that it's been work work work. Our grand opening is tomorrow so if you live in central Virginia come out to Chesterfield Town Center, get over to Sephora and grab your free sample bag!

I've been so lazy lately I just go to work, come home, eat and watch Rome. The series rules in case you haven't checked it out (it's as epic as this picture).


Cameron and I decided they must have some sort of nudity quota to meet every week or something though because there's always some inappropriate sordid love affair going on that sometimes seem unnecessary or incongruous with the plot. Anyway it's a good show and I'm spending all of my money at blockbuster to keep up.

The store is coming along well. I dusted like a crazy person all day today, it was nasty but worth it.

In other random news, I think I decided Lindsay Lohan is my fashion inspiration. I think it's just because she's such a hot mess that's always hung over and in public fights with her boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever it is at the time. She just looks dirty and awesome, I love it. I also really like the way all the cigarette smoke and booze have made her face look a smidgen like aged leather, it works for her. Haha maybe I have a twisted perfective on these things but I guess that's why people think I'm original.

I mean seriously, she's not even wearing pants, just sort of letting her shirt be a loin cloth. You know she's not wearing a bra (because she's like totally a lesbian now) and although her weight frequently fluctuates between healthy and cocain addict her breasts always stay the same size (ginormous). AND ftw her little sister is wearing the same tights, sans loin cloth, with her cleavage hanging out and she still looks like less of a hussy.
I love LiLo
New look for the spring: not giving a fuck. Get into it.

Vice magazine put out a guide to Richmond in which they insinuated that the city is full of a bunch of dirty, slacker, artsy, bike kids with no jobs. I know what they're getting at, they're talking about me, my friends and the people that go to the bars that we go to. But it sure couldn't have fallen into my hands at a more annoying time when I'm trying to work my ass off to pay rent, health insurance, bills and buy cat food for my obese, food-obsessed cat who eats mostly out of anger because I'm working all day.
REALLY the people that don't have jobs, that lay around all day drinking beer at 9 am and going to dance parties and cool bars and riding their sweet fixed gears- yeah they are 90% new kids from the beach or nova who have lived here for a year in the dorms and think they're hot shit. The major selling point of this city in the article is that it's a place where the kids are too cool to care how cool you are. Well then I'm the coolest kid on earth because I don't give a crap how dirty you are, who you slept with or why you think you're the awesomest new guy on the block with your new tattoos that you hide from your mom and your shiny new bike that you paid for with your mom's credit card. As far as I'm concerned everyone can go back where they came from and stop acting like they run this town while they run it into the ground. I will fight everyone and win.

Anyway rant rant... Here's a picture of me pouting after a cockroach jumped on me and scared the crap out of me!

Photo of Kath shooting Raquel and my little legs holding up a reflector.

I'm jealous of people who have interesting and clever blogs. I guess I just lack the passion.

I've been busy lately with my new job. We're opening a new Sephora and I'm pretty excited about it but it's still being built now so we'll be training next week at the Marriott.

This weekend me Josh and Kathryn went to Norfolk to hang out with Stuntkid and so Kath could shoot miss Raquel who was visiting. Check out the photos on Kath's page machinedance.buzznet.com or her myspace.com/machinedancephotography. Afterwards we went to iHop and ate gross greasy food and acted retarded. Raquel was cute as a button and I'm sorry that I didn't have more time to hang out with her.

Happy New Year ladies and gentlemen. We made it through 2008 I guess.

I have been immensely busy driving all over the state, working and hanging out with my sister who lives on the other side of the country.

Life has changed a lot in the past couple of months and I haven't decided how I feel about it yet. I have more ideas than I have time and sometimes I wish I was a painter and I could lock myself away in a studio 9-5 every day.

Who knows what 2009 has in mind!
What was everyone's favorite moments from 2008 and your resolutions for 2009?

In some ways I grew up fast, people always told me I seemed wise beyond my years and I looked like I was well into my twenties as a teenager. In some ways I'll never grow up. Someone told me once that growing up was the worst decision a person could make so I've tried to avoid it. But I still had to go to college and I still have to work for the rent, now that I'm graduating I'm confronting that fear again.

Sometimes I really have my ducks in a row and other times I'm a total spaz and weirdly people seem to see both sides. I never noticed until just recently how much I have the personality of an artist. I have a very hard time doing anything when I'm uninspired, I'm diagnosed ADD but I think I really just lack inspiration because when I start painting,  filming, scrubbing the grime out of the bathtub or whatever I can easy do it non stop for hours. During finals I stayed up for three days with absolutely 0 hours of sleep and only enough food to keep me alive. I was dillusional & I wouldn't suggest it but I got my work done.

Anyway growing up is scary, work is scary scarce right now and I need to do a lot of adult things, make money, start career, buy a house while still maintaining a bit of the spaz-itude that makes me me.

It's crazy how all my friends are going through similar transitions now. Seems like just yesterday when all that mattered to them was getting drunk and getting laid. Now it's paying their mortgage and getting married.
This is a picture of the ol' gang at Missy's wedding.


 I took the picture so you wont see me in it.

It's good to have friends, especially since theres going to be fewer and fewer of them down the road.

Black Friday was hellish. For some reason we got the bright idea to go out in it in the middle of the day to Shortpump mall where there were masses of overflow people outside of Urban Outfitters and there wasn't even anything on sale.
We ran into Kathryn in the parking lot who had just been helping Chris Brown and Rhianna which she said has happened more than once. I guess they live here but I haven't got the slightest clue why they would be out at a mall on black friday.

Now I'm trying to learn how to use like 10,000 different 3D programs. I've been trying to learn Adobe After Effects, Flash, Illustrator... or whatever I need to do some simple animation but it's way more difficult than I would expect to even find out which one is ideal for which part of my project. AND there's nothing capable of 3d modeling in CS3 I guess. Ugh, so I downloaded Blender (?) if anyone has some tips for me on how to use this stuff I'd appreciate it. I can't even get through the damn tutorials because they only use short cuts and I don't have a mouse with a f-ing center button!!!

grrr

Why do I do this? Because I'm shallow and material things bring me happiness. I'm like a baby raccoon, I just want to put all the shiny things in my nest. Also I secretly believe deep down that maybe these things will manifest themselves if I write it publically. If you blog it they will come!

Things I want:
Limited edition high top Onitsuka Tigers

Donut cell phone charm (cute!)



Things that I have that are awesome:

New Kathy Van Zeeland croc 'n roll hobo purse


Hello kitty in a shrimp costume phone charm

Awesome!

It's grey today. I don't like the fall, even in VA where it's supposed to be the most beautiful fall on earth or whatever.

Some jerk in a Chevy Tahoe almost rammed into my little civic while he was driving like a maniac. When he cut me off I saw his gas guzzler's bumper proudly displaying a McCain Palin sticker- SHOCKER! It just makes me think... what kind of moron do you have to be to seriously think it's a good idea to elect these people to lead our country. First of all if McCain DIES while in office (which is clearly not out of the question) then we're supposed to expect Sarah Palin's dumbass to become president? Wow. That's a terrible idea. She's just a good ol' christian pagent girl who parades around her dysfunctional family for sympathy. Gross.
 
Now the campaign has turned into a smear fest and the republicans blatantly lie and make up figures to confuse the stupid people that they know will never check.

It's a mess. Do you guys watch the debates or read the newspaper? What do you think about what your seeing? If you're not old enough to vote do you still care about what's going on & if you are old enough to vote what do you think about all this?

I like to take a breather and watch reality tv. That's how I show my patriotism! haha. I'm upset that I Love Money is over. It provided hours of mindless entertainment for me. Now the new season of Pushing Daisies is on! Yay I love that show! Are you guys watching anything awesome? I need a new line up.

My computer needs a new battery! It's such a pain in the butt, I think I may be able to get it replaced for free but I still have to be without it for another week or so. It's really annoying and I have a lot of stuff to get done.
When I get it back I need one of these to match:



My ex boyfriend is kind of stalking me on myspace and I'm not really sure why. I guess he's just crazy and wants some attention.
I've had an awesome time this summer being really really dirty, wearing the same thing everyday, not doing my hair or wearing make up, hanging out for hours at the dog park and going to the river.
That's just how people are here so when I'm all glammed up people think it's really weird. I think there's something to be said for people who can go out looking like crap and just not care, those are the people I'm friends with.

I miss my friends in philly a lot. Right now I'm baking cookies and thinking about my random current obsession with strawberry things. They are just so cute. I've started my merry strawberry collection from ww.re-ment.us they make me squeal! Everything is sooooo tiny and cute. I'm totally obsessed.

I love tiny things. I think all girls do... that may or may not be why I have rats. They are so cute and their tiny little hands and wiskers are adorable. I just want to spend all of my money on tiny things and toys. It's not very practical at all.
I want to live in a little strawberry house on a little strawberry patch with tiny strawberry furniture and strawberry silverwear and live off of tiny strawberry sweets.